Husband and Wife Biblical Roles
The Role of the Husband:
1. Leader:
"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man
is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. " (1 Cor. 11:3)
The first primary role in the family of the man is to show loving leadership
over wife and children. Oversight of all matters in the home and family,
including physical, financial, and spiritual leadership. Spiritual leadership
in family home includes Bible studies, prayers, and going to church with
your family regularly.
2. Lover:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up
for her, " (Eph.5:25; Col.3:19)
It is interesting that the woman isn’t commanded to love the husband. It of course is
very helpful if she does love him. But when the love in the relationship seems to have
grown cold, it is the man’s responsibility to stir it up and keep the flame burning. Her
love for him will be a response to his love for her. He should continue to “date” her
and “flirt” with her, treating her as a precious gift from God. Even if the love does
not seem to be returned to him by her, he should continue to express his
love toward her and not be tempted to look to anybody else;
3. Provider:
"But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his house-
hold, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " ( 1 Timothy 5:8)
It is commonly understood in nearly every culture that the man is to be the
“bread-winner” and provider. That certainly doesn’t mean that the wife cannot
hold a job. But her main role is to raise the children and take care of the home.
To the degree that she is able to work outside the home, that’s fine, but the
burden for providing for the financial needs of the family falls squarely upon the
husband.
4. Protector:
When Adam was commanded to “keep” the Garden, he was being told to keep it
protected from any evil force. Adam was supposed to protect his home and family
from the devil. Husbands still are expected by God, with His help, to protect the
family from any danger to the best of their ability;
The Role of the Wife:
1. Submission: (Eph.5)
Everybody knows that the Bible tells women to submit to their husbands. Though
most women don’t like it, it’s in the Bible (in the New Testament) so it cannot be
ignored. All this really means is that you allow your husband to be the Leader,
Lover, Provider, and Protector. It certainly doesn’t mean that the wife is to be
kicked around or mistreated in any way. Your opinion in all issues is valuable and
important, but ultimately you should prayerfully allow your husband to make the
final decision.
2. Helper: (Gen.2:18)
Instead of being only focused on your own goals and desires, a good portion of
your efforts should be in helping your husband in any way you can to attain to his
goals and desires. Pour yourself into him & cause him to feel important and
needed. Spend quality time with him. Don't even allow your relationship with
your children to interfere with your relationship with your husband. Assist him
in any practical way in the house & in life in general.
3. Raising Children:
Since the husband has had a primary role of being the provider for the family, the role
of taking care of the home has fallen on the wife. This is according to God’s design.
Once again, that doesn’t mean that she cannot work outside the home, as long as
her primary responsibilities of the home and family are not neglected. And certainly
the husband should assist with the home and children when he can. Also, under
certain circumstances these roles can be reversed and still work effectively. But do
your best to pour yourself into your children, they are special gifts from God. Don’t
allow any third party to take your parenting role from you.
Caution: The Bible instructs men in their role; and It instructs women in their
role. It doesn’t instruct men to tell the wives what their role is; nor does it
instruct women to tell men what their role is. If you feel that your spouse isn’t
functioning in their role biblically, pray for them, don’t nag them into
becoming that ideal biblical spouse: that doesn’t work. Just pray for them
and leave it in the hands of God.
The Leave and Cleave Principle:
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his
wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 KJV). Other translations render
“leave and cleave” as “leave and be united” (NIV), “leave and be joined”
(NASB), and “leave and hold fast” (ESV). So, what precisely does it mean to
leave your father and mother and cleave to your spouse?
The Bible also calls you “one-flesh”. That is not said about any other relationship.
When things get tough between the husband and the wife, returning back home to
your mom and dad isn’t to be an option to you. You are no longer two, but one. You
made a commitment to each other “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in
sickness or in health, ‘till death do we part”. That vow must be honored. No matter
what obstacles enter into the picture, the two of you are in it together, sink or swim.
You’ve left your parents and you are to cleave to each other. Again, always
remember that the two of you are “one-flesh”.
This means we do not quit when things are not going right, nor do you quit when
the "feelings" go away. It includes talking things out, praying things through, being
patient as you trust God to work in both of your hearts, being willing to admit when
you are wrong and asking forgiveness, and seeking God's counsel regularly in His Word.
If either spouse fails to both “leave and cleave”, problems will result in your marriage.
If spouses refuse to truly leave their parents, conflict and stress will be the result.
Leaving your parents does not mean ignoring them or not spending any time with them.
Leaving your parents simply means recognizing that your marriage created a new
family and that this new family must be a higher priority than your previous family.
If spouses neglect to cleave to each other, the result is a lack of intimacy and unity.
Cleaving to your spouse does not mean being with your spouse every moment or not
having meaningful friendships outside of your marriage. Cleaving to your spouse
means recognizing that you are joined, essentially “glued,” to your spouse.
Cleaving is key in building a marriage that will endure hard times and be the
beautiful relationship that God intends it to be.
